Spring
Spring's finally here but it's been cold and wet for most parts. Not really liking the rain but it was nice when the sun is out and we are getting flowers blooming everywhere.
Went to the Royal Melbourne Show for the first time but the weather was quite bad. In fact a thunderstorm caused the show to close early at 5pm. We were lucky to have made it out and on to a train before the rain started to come down heavily. All in all, it was a nice experience... but got to go with a budget in mind and also, pack your own food/drinks because prices were exhorbitant.
Have not been blogging lately. I wanted to write some stuff about parenting and actually had a couple of post in my head. But for some reasons, i should could not get myself sorted. I really have no excuse because it's school holidays now but i guess i am just slacking off.
One of the reasons that i wanted to write about my experiences with parenting was that i had been reading and commenting on a parenting website with regards to defiant children. There were so many parents going on and on about how parents need to show kids who is in charge and also suitable amount of 'physical punishment' is necessary. More than a few had wrote in to said that 'positive' strategies such as time-out etc, just do not work when they tried. A few parents like myself that speak out against spanking etc, got commented that it was unrealistic and the author of that article was lampooned for not having any experiences with children.
I have a few ideas about why perhaps positives strategies do not work when some parents tried it and wanted to pen something down. Perhaps i am just having an 'easy' child and do not feel the 'pain' of these parents... *shrugs* Still, if positive strategies can work, would parents really need to resort to spanking?
Went to the Royal Melbourne Show for the first time but the weather was quite bad. In fact a thunderstorm caused the show to close early at 5pm. We were lucky to have made it out and on to a train before the rain started to come down heavily. All in all, it was a nice experience... but got to go with a budget in mind and also, pack your own food/drinks because prices were exhorbitant.
Have not been blogging lately. I wanted to write some stuff about parenting and actually had a couple of post in my head. But for some reasons, i should could not get myself sorted. I really have no excuse because it's school holidays now but i guess i am just slacking off.
One of the reasons that i wanted to write about my experiences with parenting was that i had been reading and commenting on a parenting website with regards to defiant children. There were so many parents going on and on about how parents need to show kids who is in charge and also suitable amount of 'physical punishment' is necessary. More than a few had wrote in to said that 'positive' strategies such as time-out etc, just do not work when they tried. A few parents like myself that speak out against spanking etc, got commented that it was unrealistic and the author of that article was lampooned for not having any experiences with children.
I have a few ideas about why perhaps positives strategies do not work when some parents tried it and wanted to pen something down. Perhaps i am just having an 'easy' child and do not feel the 'pain' of these parents... *shrugs* Still, if positive strategies can work, would parents really need to resort to spanking?
2 comments:
recently, vicky has been quite hard to manage with tantrums. i totally lost it and left most of it to my hubs who was on MC.
he tried a few "positive strategies" which worked but i've yet to read it up. :P
i'm one of those parents who feel there is a need to show who is in charge and believe in spanking.
i really would like to hear what a professional would have to say about parenting.
i definitely do know that sometimes it's me who is tired, hence the lashing out. guess i want to know more about prevention. heh. :)
I totally agree that the parents need to show the kids who is in charge.. i just dont believe that it needs to be achieved with spanking..
I guess most times parents may find what 'professionals' say/written as being 'detached' from real life, except in alot of cases, these professionals do have kids themselves.. it may sound remove from 'real life' because they are trying to apply certain objectivity/rationality to the subject matter which may not apply in specific cases..
I think for myself, the general rule is still starting from young, get to know and understand the temperament of the kid, then it is easier in terms of selecting strategies for teaching and shaping behaviour. There's no one size fit all, which is why it goes back to understanding the child (individual strengths/challenges). A positive parent shd be able to harness the child's strengths to make up for the challenges he/she present.
But in all cases, i believe in devoting time, patience and consistency, (a healthy dose of humor also helps) regardless of strategies (textbook or otherwise).
Some of the key areas that i feel need to be established from as young as possible is building sense of self-efficacy (feeling like they can achieve something - encouraging kids to have responsibilities, independence help that) and empathy (awareness of other people and feelings, also their own). In that aspect, that is why i feel spanking/physical punishment will not help in any way towards building skills in those areas because hitting create the conundrum of "if you can do it to me, why i cant do it to others".. and we are not teaching kids to be aware of self and promote self-control, parent become the external control of their behv, which will not be beneficial in the long run.
Parents should be in charge in setting the boundaries and also help the child understand the limits of how they shd behv (including modelling those behv - again, spanking generates very contradictory msg). How much limits/boundaries depends on how parent assess their child to be able to understand (depending on their understanding level and tolerance).
I think often parents over-estimate their kids in thinking that their child understands but forgets that a young child with full attention, behaves differently under stimulation/distractions. They also sometimes forget that impulsivity is natural for children... which is why parents get upset when they felt that their kid 'shd have' done something but end up doing something else. Quite a lot of situations where children 'misbehaviour' could be avoided if parents take note of exactly what the child shd be expected to do in certain situation in the first place...
And if positive strategies such as "first do this, then do that" has not been a repertoire of rules that the child is used to from young, it is expected that more time and patience have to be invested (the older the child is) when parents try to use these strategies..
Okie.. i am sounding like a know-it-all irritating 'professional'.. which is why i put off writing anything general abt parenting.. hahah dont want to offend pple... at the end of the day, parents shd try to know their kids best and then work their way from there.. hopefully w/o the need to spank.
I dont think kids are born to 'misbehave'... though there are some who pathalogically lack the skill to learn empathy naturally.. studies have shown that these aggressive children/youths need to be explicitly taught how to empathize... For most cases, it is really about undoing patterns of behaviour which the child might have learnt unknowingly from the environment which is why patience/time/consistency are so impt.
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